Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Michelle Obama Gone Mute?




I guess outfits speak louder than words. That seems to be Michelle Obama’s new philosophy as she snuggles into her duties as America’s First Lady. Maybe it was the coffee conversation with the Bushes, who clued her into the Commandments of political wifedom: Commandment #1: Thou shall not speak, but sit pretty and wave relentlessly. So far, so good. I just hope she has Laura Bush on speed dial to tell her how to get the plastic smile off her face when its time for bed. Or for advice on what to do when her panty hose ride up and there’s nowhere in sight to pick the wedgie.

Yes, I know. Being a Lady tougher than it looks.

Take for instance, her new role as the countries fashion icon. Media hooplah over her inauguration clothing was excessive to the point of ridiculous; from CNN celebrity stylist commentary, to exclusive interviews with the designers of the “lemon grass” skirt suit and white chiffon ball gown she wore for Inauguration Day.

Of course, I expected this surplus of superficiality, just not so soon. As Feministing.com put it, “We couldn't put off the tired old women-as-pretty-arm-candy discussion until the inauguration stage was taken down?”

Nope. Before President Obama was even sworn in, Michelle had already been validated as Barack’s Barbie Doll. A woman so disciplined in femininity that she could--as they kept insisting over and over again-- brave the bitter cold and blisters of Pennsylvania Avenue in the holy name of fashion. A woman eager to fill the shimmery Cinderella shoes of the Jackie Kennedys and Nancy Regans: legs crossed and lips closed.

During a dance at an inaugural ball, a CNN spokeswoman claimed Michelle was actually “the boss” of the marriage, giving her husband the official orders. But unless they communicate through telepathy, it’s more likely to be the other way around.

It’s got to be saddening for Michelle, on some level to know that even as a Harvard Law and Princeton grad, or lawyer at the Sidley Austin firm whose articulate and equally eloquent self-written speeches helped seal her husband’s Presidency--she is now just a pretty wife, waving and smiling.

But on another level, she probably believes she is being racially progressive. She is trying to show the world that the black woman, too, can be intelligent, charming, elegant and poised. This strategy harks back to the election, where she played the humbling homemaker to shake media perceptions of “the angry black woman”. Like on the Ellen Dengeneres show, where she used “wife, mother, and down-to-earth” to describe herself, confining to female gender norms to stretch across the mainstream.

And now that the Obamas have to represent the American family, they are playing it safe; doing the cookie-cutter patriarchy thing, a political recreation of the Cosby Show, which makes having black people in the White House a little less frightening for the right wing.

Michelle’s ability to be the silent version of Clair Huxtable (minus the career) is the key factor in walking the American tight rope between Scary Black Woman and relative normalcy. But rather than pledging allegiance to the haggard script of Proper First Lady Behavior, she should use the limelight to offer alternative perceptions of black women that don’t exclude an assertive voice. And then she should walk out of the White House wearing a “Give Bush a Wedgie” T-shirt, sweat pants, and Spongebob toe socks.

Monday, January 12, 2009

Crtical Thinking Videos: Masculinity

Here's some videos i thought would be good for a much needed blog post that i know I've been neglecting. I've been reading alot (Robert Jensen, Jackson Katz and bell hooks have written amazing books )about masculinity and "manhood" lately, because you cant have a legitimate feminist discussion without addressing the ways in which men are socialized and reduced to destructive gender roles, and at constant expectation to "act man enough" which inevitably means physical violence and sex. Just thought it'd be better to show, rather than rant. The first is Jackson Katz, who has an amazing documentary called "Tough Guise", the second, my hero, bell hooks author of We Real Cool: Black Men and Masculinity, lastly Robert Jensen, author of Getting Off: Pornography and the End of Masculinity.





Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Silence of the Blog (Another Feminist Attack)

I recently discovered that feminists bloggers Jessica Valenti and Gwendolyn Beetham made a short video on YouTube a while back about the Scholar and Feminist Online. And while the content was nice, the best part was scrolling down to the comments section to read the gracious, supportive, and always respectful thoughts of its viewers:



User bissikrima had a short and not-so-sweet statement:

"dirty feminist cunts ! FUCK YOURSELVES !!!!!!!" 


CaptainGrunyard took an--shall we say--academic standpoint:

"keep blogging you imbecile, change the world through blogs full of brainless, pointless, baseless, unrealistic theory."


ChupacabraYetiElmo wanted to share his (or her) thoughts on the real reason for this video, an offer some lovely advice along the way:

"Truth is>> These cunts can't get any attention, so they go around blogging and vlogging and spewing enmity cunt mislogic. Please go sign up for selective service so America can send your ass off to a sand dune. Then CNN and FOX can do a news special in which you all climb on chairs when a scorpion wants to crawl in your cold dark clammy rotten fish smelling cave. Make sure you take an eggbeater along so you can shove it up your twat and twirl some logic in your abominated brain."



kingblabar
opted for an elaborate description of his passionate cyber sex fantasies:

"First of all, i straight up want to tit fuck the milk out of the broads tatholes. While the ugly whorebag lingering off to the left can make herself usefull for a change by fingering my asshole while i cum on the other sluts face/eyeballs. Next, im going to fold my half flacid manhood into her slopped vag while i squeeze out a hot steamy triumph all over the ugly bitched fat face
peace,
keep up the good work...
ps bitches aint shit but hos and tricks"


While hellofromebaums summed his position up on the matter pretty clearly:

"PENIS"


That's right,ladies. Gotta love that penis.

Saturday, December 6, 2008

F--Yeah for the F-Word!

For all the shit that comes along with blogging about the F-word, this here made me proud of what i do:

Monday, December 1, 2008

Meet the Bloggers!



Meet Misogyny's latest BFF, the YouTube bloggers; a community of cunt-hatin' creepers circulating now in cyberspace. But this post will concentrate on two nifty guys who, i believe, deserve recognition for the astounding amount of time and dedication they've put into attacking feminism using video technology. (Cause if you're gonna be an asshole, well, you better do it in style). So without further ade, introducing...


The Editorialist-- The middle aged man who probably splits his time between creating kiddie porn rings online and making YouTube videos expressing his hatred for Feministing.com while sitting in his mother's dimly lit basement wearing dark shades. Ed here uses his smarts and mountains of free time (unemployment has its benefits) to make carefully crafted, thoroughly researched rebuttals to the "Friday Feminist Fuck Yous" that the Feministing.com bloggers post each week, (humorously) tackling a recent sexist issue. Only Ed decided it would be even more hilarious to respond to these lesbo cunt-rags with a video of his own. And boy do the guys love it. His adoring 200 subscribers watch religiously and happily participate in the bitch-bashing with "lols" and their own two cents which involves some vague, pseudo intellectual history lesson, a false statistic, or a hardcore porn link.


Best video: "If Women are oppressed, why aren't they dead are in jail?" --Good point, Ed. If we really had it tough, we'd either be 6 feet under or the Bitch of some chick known only as MooMoo. This is a particularly touching piece, where Ed begins to question the legitimacy of feminism by encouraging us to ask a black how he knows he is oppressed. To which Eddie boy claims is an obvious fact, compared with "gender oppression"--an evil feminist creation that is "indoctrinated" into the simple minds of innocent little girls by the liberal media and middle-class white women. He credits this brilliant insight to the fact that he--hold on to your mouses for this one--talked to a black woman who said that her race--not gender, was the source of her oppression. And I'm sure he thinks the fives minutes of BET he caught on the tube (while Army Wives was on commercial) gave him mad street cred, and proved his racial tolerance. Oh Ed, you ol' softie. You just hate to see the racial inequalities of your fellow sistas and brothas trumped by this imaginary sexism don't you? Thanks for sticking up for your people, Ed. Word.


Next up...

The Amazing Atheist--A younger, tubby (but equally creepy) version of the Editorialist who took a break from his usual business of zealously denouncing religion using violent hand gestures and colorful language, to zealously denouncing feminism using violent hand gestures and colorful language. Amazing really does live up to his name with these online works of art, an opinion no doubt shared by the 31, 070 subscribers to his channel, and the 588 videos he's whipped up in just over two years! This particular video is set inside an anonymous garage which I'm sure is filled with at least a dozen dead bodies, four cats, a torture chamber, animae posters, and an underage Korean girl.
Despite Ed's disdain for feminism in general, A.A seemed to be perfectly down with the cause until something traumatic happens: He finds that US laws may or may not prevent simulated rape as porn. You see, Atheist was helping his pornstar friend who is, by the way is perfect by "his standards" (which means anything more than Vaseline and a towel is pretty damned hot) come up with ideas for her Adult Website. And simulated rape (along with his other ideas: covering herself in pig's blood and holding a meat clever, and role playing a mental patient, while letting doctors molest her on the examining table) was shot down.

Pissed that his simulated rape fantasises will not come true, A.A heads to the garage, sets up his cam, and goes on a 19 minute rant about how feminism is destroying personal freedoms (because if we want to shoot bestiality and brutal sexual abuse in our downtime, then so be it!). But before you get all up and arms, Atheist isn't directing this to all man-hating feminists. No, just those "crazy bitches" who want to go after pornography and--god forbid--prostitution. He claims that not only should prostitutes be held in the highest regard but that many of the early feminists were, indeed hookers. That's right suckers, Susan B. Anthony might have seemed conservative and intellectual, but when she took of that red shawl and those bloomers, honey, things really got down and dirty.
But no big, Atheist. I get you, man. I too would be angry if my only means for getting laid with through the promise of financial exchange with a herpes-infected transvestite....


Honestly though, seeing these videos and its cock--i mean, cult-like following really made me realize how much weight feminism still carries. Even now, in a society bathed in the facade of "female empowerment" and the bogus propaganda of "progress" there's still a reluctance and fear of anything that rejects the patriarchal system that's been in place so long its almost a human template for existence. We've never really known a world where women weren't below, behind, beneath a man and even now the idea of real equality--of bringing the female object to life-- for some people, still feels uncomfortable and unnatural and unsafe.

And while i know the extremists only represent a small portion, the basic ideology of sexism is still more universal. I hear it in mundane conversations every day, the whistles and "hey girl"s of the men on street corner, the inane pop culture of bride fantasies and Botox and Playboy. Sexism is still the thread of America, the bare bones foundation on which everything we know is built. And to break the foundation and introduce a new cultural makeup where the Bitch doesn't make the sandwich is enough to make you scared shitless. So middle aged weirdos rant on their webcams in dark corners, start parody websites and cult clubs to white-knuckle any power they can.

They latch on to their beloved patriarchy even at the expense of their mothers and daughters and sisters, even at the expense of themselves. But why care so much after all? What the hell are you so afraid of?

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Holy MatriPhony





The best thing about my Marriage and Family class is that we get delightful tidbits of information like this:



"Married people are generally healthier and happier than people who are single, divorced, and widowed. Married people have lower rates of heart disease, cancer, stroke, pneumonia, tuberculosis, cirrhosis of the liver, and syphilis. They attempt suicide less frequently and have fewer automobile accidents than do singles. They are less likely to suffer from depression, anxiety, and other forms of psychological distress..."



In other words: Get married. Or you will die.



But this is how alot of women see the single life, anyway; a wretched state of loneliness and longing. Walking past couples in the park in matching neon jogging suits and sighing a heavy sigh of pain; or tearing up at the sight of a man proposing to his girlfriend on New Year's Eve, or wearing tragic bride's mate dresses in mango orange as you watch another one of your friends walk Down The Aisle and think, if only that were me....



"You will die alone" becomes the ultimate threat to any woman who doesn't want to Settle Down. Even if, God forbid, she is attractive and mentally functional with plenty of friends and family and a job and hobbies and things to do, she is still, by cultural standards, destined to Spinsterdom. You know, spending your weekends in a dark one bedroom apartment, devouring a pint of Ben & Jerry's with your 17 cats (who you've named after each of your exes) and watching Golden Girls reruns to cheer you up --because, Dammit, if Blanche and the gang can be single and old, than so can I-- before realizing how pathetic that is and proceed to cry for the next three hours with Phil Collins songs playing in the background.



Oh yeah, and then you'll die alone.



But i think there's something really wrong with marriage. And I'm not talking about the Monogamy Doesn't Work theory the whole bit about Keeping the Romance Alive or even traditional gender roles that explain the near 50% of divorce rates, because we've all heard them a bizillion times before.



The biggest reason i could never see myself jumping on the Wifey bandwagon (aside from the fact that i wouldn't be caught dead in a matching jogging suits) is because i believe in the human project and personal development that comes with being single. Elizabeth Wurtzel says it beautifully in Bitch: "There are other things that other women need to do: they need to have lesbian affairs; they need to drop out of medical school and become investment bankers; they need to fly with the Air Force in Iraq or work for the Peace Crops in Papua New Guinea; they need to sleep with their brothers-in-law....to live in New Orleans for five months, in Krakow for three months and in Bangkok for two years. They need these things, all these things--for if they didn't, they surely would not bother, for it is so much easier to just get married. It is so much easier to stick with Plan A. "



And Plan A, the marriage plan, is just another in the series of sequential steps society has set out for us; bread crumbs for Hansel and Gretel. We live life in perpetual groups, under the thumb of Rules and Compromise that come with living with someone else. We're all so scared shitless of being alone that we never get to experience the freedom of being alone; of letting the dishes pile up for a week or spending loads of money on frivolous things or casual sex or spontaneous trips half way around the world or sleeping in till' 5 pm or doing whatever the hell it is you feel like doing because you're unattached and independent and you don't have to answer to anyone. In the time of being single, you learn who you are, what you want and why you want it and make the mistakes and missteps that shape you into a decent adult. When you're single, in other words, you can grow the fuck up.



And i think that may be the biggest marriage detriment of all: the idea that two people who barely know themselves, who've only half-lived, can somehow exist in a lifelong relationship, expecting not to fall victim to the "what-ifs" and regrets itching in the back of the mind.



I personally think the above "studies" are bullshit, more cat nibble feeding the mouth of the backlash that's been gnawing at the women's movement since the 70's. Some shady scholarship that will end up being the basis of some Ann Coulter book with a title like, "I Do. Why don't you?" (because we all know that conservatives that come up with clever puns are just hilarious) .



But even if it is true, even if choosing to be unmarried means risking eternal loneliness and depression and car wrecks and herpes; Even if it means living alone without a Big Strong Husband to protect me at night, or the last tick of my Biological Clock or the societal frown that comes with being a woman unchained--And it might mean all of these things. But i'll take my chances anyway. I'll risk the dying alone.

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Laughs for the Ladies




Yes, even feminists make jokes-- (when we aren't, you know, burning their brassieres, counting arm pit hairs, or playing bullseye with pictures of penises in their spare time)--and here are some of them i dug up from a site (appropriately) titled, Feminist Jokes.



They vary from har-de-har-hars to definite knee-slappers, but here are some of my favorites. A drum roll please?:



1.) Q: Why do men like BMWs?

A: They can spell it.



2.) Q: Why do men name their penises?

A: Because they don't like the idea of having a stranger make 99% of their decisions.



3.) Q: What's a man's idea of helping with the housework?

A: Lifting his legs so that you can vacuum.



4.) Q: Whats the difference between a man and E.T.?

A: ET phoned home.



5.) Q: Why is psychoanalysis a lot quicker for men than for women?

A: When it's time to go back to his childhood, he's already there.



6.) Q: What did God say after he created man?

A: "I can do better than this" and he made woman.



7.) Q: What's the difference between a bar and a clitoris?

A: Most men have no trouble finding a bar.






I know we've got Rush Limbaugh and all of the youtube assholes to make fun of the Femininazis, but this time, guys, the joke is on you.