Thursday, October 16, 2008

Laughs for the Ladies

Yes, even feminists make jokes-- (when we aren't, you know, burning their brassieres, counting arm pit hairs, or playing bullseye with pictures of penises in their spare time)--and here are some of them i dug up from a site (appropriately) titled, Feminist Jokes.

They vary from har-de-har-hars to definite knee-slappers, but here are some of my favorites. A drum roll please?:

1.) Q: Why do men like BMWs?

A: They can spell it.

2.) Q: Why do men name their penises?

A: Because they don't like the idea of having a stranger make 99% of their decisions.

3.) Q: What's a man's idea of helping with the housework?

A: Lifting his legs so that you can vacuum.

4.) Q: Whats the difference between a man and E.T.?

A: ET phoned home.

5.) Q: Why is psychoanalysis a lot quicker for men than for women?

A: When it's time to go back to his childhood, he's already there.

6.) Q: What did God say after he created man?

A: "I can do better than this" and he made woman.

7.) Q: What's the difference between a bar and a clitoris?

A: Most men have no trouble finding a bar.

I know we've got Rush Limbaugh and all of the youtube assholes to make fun of the Femininazis, but this time, guys, the joke is on you.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Buy or Die

Upon hearing the news that Bitch magazine was in danger of folding, i was going to use this blog to do one of those spin-offs of the Vote of Die campaigns, where i would play P. Diddy, with a shirt that read, "Bitch-assness permitted" (what is bitch-assness, again? and why should someone who calls themselves diddy be allowed to create vocabulary?), suck on a tooth pick while wearing shades and scare you into donating to the magazine with my Aggressive and Intimidating Black Guy attitude.

If that tactic did not work, i would round up some D-list celebrities and a make a black and white commercial where we would wear white T-shirts, look sadly at the camera and recite statistics about domestic violence while Wyclef Jean plays some guitar melodies in the background.

But I visited their website the other day, and somehow they've been able to come up with the $40,000 they needed to run another issue, which--according to the giant wiener dog on the header--will hit the stands December 1st! That being said, i will spare you my purchase pleas for now. However, as we all know, independent magazines need MONEY to sustain. And the difference between folding and sustaining is you, the readers!

So please continue to invest in Bitch, one of the only feminist magazines left.

Or, if you prefer the P. Diddy approach: Buy it or Die, bitches.

Sunday, October 12, 2008

Style Bytes Returns!!!

The Rules state that every gal is allowed to have one "girl-crush" without attaining lesbo status. That way, you can swoon publicy and never worry about your peers inching away from you in the locker room, un-inviting you to sleep overs, nick-naming you Ellen Degeneres, or voting you Most Likely to Be A Female Athletic Director.

Therefore, i choose Agathe--thrift shopper, fashion blogger, photographer extraordinaire--as my top pick. All her die hard fans know the psychotic breaks we had once her first blog inexplicably ended a few months ago: We couldnt eat, we couldnt sleep, we walked around in neon-colored crocs and sweatshirts with company logos on them! We mourned, man. We mourned.

And just when we thought we'd never see Agathe (or Melvin--her gigantic pet pig) again, i stumbled upon the link to the NEW Style Bytes blog.

Apparently, she'd been doing it as sort of an underground thing, perhaps thinking she was safe from the nuts (i.e,, me) who begun to develop a cult-like following to her site.

Think again, Agathe. You can blog, but you can't hide: