Monday, August 18, 2008

Anchor Anguish

The following is my imitation of every TV news network in America. Ahem:


"Gas prices
gas prices
gas prices.
Obama.
terrorism.
mosquitos will kill you.
vegetables will kill you.
cell phones will blow up. give you tumors. and then kill you.
this just in!--research shows that vegetables will not kill you. However, everything else still stands.
gas prices are high
foreclosure
debt
recession
unemployment
economy
gas prices
obesity.
doom, doom, doom
the world's going to hell.
there's a serial killer on the loose! lock up your daughters.
breaking news--research shows that locking up your daughters may lead to suicide, STDs, and Alzheimers later in life.
statistics
gas prices.
gas prices
death
doom
done.
Britney spears is pregnant.

I'm Katie Couric, thanks for watching."