Thursday, June 12, 2008

There Goes That F-Word Again

Asking a woman if she considers herself a feminist is like asking if she would like to help axe-hack your next door neighbor and then join you for a delicatable man-flesh sandwich with a side of internal organs. She gets a, "what the fuck?" kind of expression on her face backs away slowly.

In the 70's, no one wanted to be a feminist because it was subtext for (whisper:) Birkenstock-wearing lesbian. Now, no one wants to be a feminist because it's a punchline.

Announcing to the world, (or whoever happens to be within earshot) that you are feminist yields the same reaction it would to say that you are a cross-dresser, or a Morman. You become target practice for jokes like, "What happen, 'd boyfriend dump you?" It, feminism, seems to be so glazed with the cultural caricatures, that it's not even accepted as a legitamite political belief; it just means you're pissed off about something.

That's another thing. Apparently feminism is a temporary emotional reaction to everything that goes apeshit in your life now.

Your husband leaves you for his secretary with six kids?: Become a feminist
Wake up late for work, miss your morning commute, and get fired on the spot?: Become a feminist.
Walking home alone one night and get mugged by a crack-head for three bucks?: Become a feminist.
Have a fight with your closest friend who decides to spread a rumor about you contracting Herpes from the pizza guy?: Whip her ass. Then become a feminist.

And, of course, when things start to wind down a little, go back to being a "normal girl" (you know, painting your toenails and giving casual blowjobs for a date to your sister's wedding.)

With all of the objections people have to the movement (and they always have an objection), it's almost like i feel obligated to say:

"Yes, i am a feminist. And no, I am not a lesbian or a man-hater. I don't own a pair of Birkenstocks, i bathe on a regular basis (sometimes even once a day), I'm not a terrorist, communist, international spy, ex-con, child molester, schizophrenic or misanthropist. I don't worship Satan, i do not not possess a vagina and a penis simultaneously, i am not currently hoarding 35 cats in my basement. And i occasionally (but only occasionally) have a mustache."

So don't even go there.